My compulsion to get a dog has passed

I can understand the impulse — I went through a breakup and wanted companionship. The perfect solution: a dog will keep me from getting lonely! I can love and feel loved again! And then there are my fitness goals... I'll walk more, rain or shine. No excuses!My list of "PROs" was long and looked compelling. But the common denominator kept bothering me — I was looking for something outside myself to change my inner state. I don't want to make such a large commitment from a place of lack.I can reach within myself to find motivation for fitness goals. Or call a friend in my support network for a walk or a goal challenge. In my busy life, I don't want to yolk myself with more obligations. I've been a dog owner before, so I understand the responsibility, emotional upheaval, scheduling issues, costs... and the dirt and dog hair.I love dogs, too. This doesn't mean I'll never get one. I still feel the call to work on me. Do some deep healing and spend time alone with me. Learn to love me and enjoy me through all my natural ebbs and flows. I can't imagine doing that while taking care of another being. It would be so easy to escape myself and my own needs by flipping that switch into caregiver mode.A dear friend wondered if I just didn't want the responsibility. We were talking about larger concepts of pet ownership and living with someone. After my divorce 7 years ago, I've been adamant about not wanting to move in with someone or share my space.When I look at this now, I do see a barrier. I'm not remaining open to all possibilities. I've created laws in areas where I still don't trust myself to make a good decision — where I could consider options and get in touch with and express my feelings around it. This stuff doesn't jive well with the universe. It limits magic to what our brains can conjure.For me, the core issue is less about commitment or dodging responsibility. It's more about the fear of opening my heart again. It's protected behind a ribcage, and that cage is not ready to open wide. I'm still guarded, even when considering bringing a dog into my life.I wonder if there's a way to work on this just with myself — as my world is now. The key seems to be getting in touch with my feelings and then moving or expressing them.This doesn't come easily or naturally for me, but I'm getting the message in everything I do — from Danielle Laporte's The Desire Map to Rori Raye's Have the Relationship You Want. Messages are coming through Oprah & Deepak's 21 Day free meditation experience that just started. Magdalena Curtis' Radical Embodiment work connects me to a deeper feeling place, taking me out of my scattered anxious mind spinning. Emotional work is even the foundation of Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover!No matter what I do, I can't escape facing and honoring what's happening on the inside. I'm doing my best to soften and yield to it rather than push and force it. I want to open and feel like I have infinite amounts of love to give — to not feel like there are drains. And I want to be open to receiving love from all directions, but to not be needy for it. I want to receive it from an already overflowing place — I will be so happy with this abundance.The other issue of pet companionship — whether cat or dog or other being — is that I'm not sure how settled I am. I still love the freedom of escape — a spontaneous trip to the hot springs. A backpacking weekend. A trip to Greece. A retreat with Local Milk. I want any companionship to feel like it affords me more possibilities rather than limits my options. I also struggle with guilt, so while logistics pan out — could I actually handle being on a backpacking trip without my dog?Pets and houses and possessions can be grounding, but I'm working to be grounded within myself rather than eliciting a feeling of being tied down. I want to make decisions from this grounded place and establish an open line of communication — an ongoing dialog.