What story is your mind telling you?
Before meeting with my personal trainer for an interview, I got quiet and thought about my goals. All sorts of things went through my head, from wanting to look a certain way for my wedding to being able to do handstands. As the ideas flowed through, I jotted them down.
These sound fun! And actionable!
Always the questioner, I continued to sit in silence and stillness, prompting myself with thoughts about my days. What do I really want to feel on the regular? I looked at pain points and deeper desires.
My list started to expand. Sleep came up: more, better, deeper. A desire for more consistent energy rose to the surface (with bonus incentive to kick expensive latte habit). I felt longings for resilience, decisiveness, greater focus, juiciness, the ability to hold boundaries and more natural confidence. I wanted strength as well — that easy strength that allows me to help a friend move and not feel wrecked.
With this development, I was able to look over my list and prioritize it with Big Picture lenses. My #1 goal was/is consistent energy. Several other of these types of deeper-level goals made the list as well as a couple physical ones.
My coach was on board with these types of goals even though they have a tricky metric. Mostly it requires tuning in and being mindful of not moving the goal post, a common tendency with more abstract goals.
My physical goals included both increased strength and weight loss. My trainer clearly asked me if I could let go of seeing a certain number on the scale, because combining these two requires a different metric. The scale can stop moving for long stretches even as progress is being made in both realms. Of course! I said. No problem.
Best practices before starting any goal: Clearly define the metric that will be used. Clearly state the starting point/pain point/how things are now. Clearly state desired goal, aka how you will recognize achieving success.
Spoiler alert: I did none of these things and am suffering for it.
My FitBit tracks my sleep. Energy I tuned into in the morning and at key points in the day. I'm generally observing what I have energy to do in a day and kinda watching my caffeine tendencies. But dangit if I didn't keep stepping on the scale until it became totally futile and utterly frustrating. Not having a good metric added a crack in the willpower tank.
You know what else happened about 5 weeks into my training? By that time my sleep was improving as was my energy. So, what does my mind do? It tries to trick me with frustrating reminders that I'm not losing weight very quickly. My mind starts to hijack my progress and shake up my priority list as soon as progress is being made, I'm struggling less and starting to feel some flow.
These types of thoughts are a wake up call. It takes a lot of practice to not let these thoughts usurp all efforts. They are impulses, and we all have them — whether as cravings or some other guise.
Don't let "monkey mind" dictate. Stop. Take a breath. Call the thoughts out for what they are. My internal dialog goes like this: I hear what you're saying. Thank you for your concern. That's not my main priority right now. My main priorities are consistent energy and improved sleep.
That inner peanut gallery works hard to raise alarms, and you — that soul-aligned, values-driven, confident you — has to work equally as hard to put them in their place by clearly stating your actual goals.
It really isn't possible to shut the voices (cravings, impulses,…) up, but it helps to keep them in check. Remind yourself of your own priorities and celebrate the progress being made there.
In challenging moments, you might need to call on other tools to help get over a hump. Make a vision board or candle (I showed my Warrior vision candle on Instagram last week), call a supportive friend and ask what they admire about you, practice EFT tapping, turn on music and dance, walk and take photos, lift weights, make art. Anything can be a pattern disruptor — that's what's good to cultivate rather than simply a distraction. Positive pattern disruptors are engaging and nourishing. They tune you into you.
Use all the tools when you're trying to uplevel your habits until the internal wiring is complete. More tools than just Willpower are needed because that tank runs dry quickly and is hard to refill.
Whatever goal you're reaching for, or whatever you're struggling with — dig deep. Remind yourself of your strength and values. We're on this journey together.
