That New Kid Feeling
Somewhere in most of our journeys, we get the message that being "the new kid" is bad. Or we get tired of that feeling.
There's a common misconception that confidence comes from doing things that you already know how to do well.
We've got to mindfully override both of these messages because they make us stale and encourage stagnancy. Neither of these promote growth or evolution.
Stagnancy is one of my own greatest fears. I associate it with Alzheimer's — one of the major aspects of my DNA I'm hoping to outsmart. And yet, stagnancy can sneak in in the form of comfort, habits and routine.
Ideally, those things serve as a strong supportive foundation. A launching pad of sorts to going out and trying new things. The danger is when they slide into being a safe haven, so comfortable that we rarely break out of their familiar, predictable rhythm.
What activities are getting you to call on your bravery to even do them?It's important to exercise this bravery muscle as much as any physical muscle. New activities build character. That's the type of success metric we need to look at, not the results-focused metrics that mainstream American culture loves. The "new kid" feeling is something to lean into — something to purposefully call in.
In the past month I've done so many new things — way outside my comfort zone. I've gone to a camera society meeting. A new friend had me over to teach me a style of photography printing. I started weight lifting and am continually in new territory with activities, equipment, gyms and surroundings. I'm booking photo shoots and styling events. I'm recording videos and launched my YouTube channel.
Doubt and worry linger at the edges. I call on bravery and tap into my own personal strength. I see if I can find any scrap of confidence and then curiously explore what that confidence is — it's essentially a type of trust. It's more self assurance and understanding that I'll get through — and hopefully learn and possibly even enjoy — whatever the experience. The real confidence comes after.
Facing these doubts, awkwardness and vulnerabilities adds fuel to my confidence tank because I tried and survived. Sometimes I even thrived.
These types of challenges are also helping me take steps towards where I want to be in 3 years. My mind is very good at glossing over the work — the successes and many failures and hiccups that pave a road to a dream. Baby steps are teaching me patience in addition to gradually building my confidence. I have dreams of talking in front of audiences someday. My videos are helping me understand my message, get used to seeing myself and hearing my voice, and recognize my repeating speech patterns that I use as filler. They are a necessary stepping stone on the way to greater comfort and confidence for showing up live in a big way.
This practice also gives me feedback, grounding those dreams of speaking to audiences into reality. Do I ultimately enjoy talking and teaching? These small steps allow me to be nimble. I get to check in and adjust my compass setting at any time. Not from discomfort but from actual soul feedback that provides clarity.
My coach continues to encourage me to try new things. To take bigger risks. And, most importantly, to release expectations of "success" or "winning." The American model of sports over-emphasizes these notions, totally negating all the learning that comes from practicing and experimenting. The path of "winning" ultimately is the path of stagnancy. It discourages experimentation and nimbleness. It looks at results rather than foundational skills that are transferrable across life — on and off the field.
We all love being good at things, but don't let that love trump trying new things. Even if this experimentation is not a "love," there's growth potential there. It's a muscle to be worked. Strength gets built here.It's intentionally allowing vulnerability. It calls on intuition rather than knowledge. It checks the ego. Trying unfamiliar things works those deeper muscles.
Go on out and try something — or a few things — totally new to you. Yup, you're not going to know what you're doing. It's true, you may feel awkward and/or uncomfortable. Knowing those types of "new kid feelings" will be on the table, see if you can accept them and congratulate yourself for being willing to allow them into your life. Those feelings also have gifts, and they pave the way to other more desired feelings like joy, relaxation and confidence. They all work together.
Expending the energy to find a bypass leads to great unrest and an uneasiness (or worse, disconnection and addiction) that come from trying to pad the journey rather than rising up and digging inwards to the strength that's deep within you. The strength that needs no crutch.
I hope this message gives you some encouragement to take a brave new step and view those steps as building character and fostering current and future growth. Let me know what you find out!
