Simplification, especially during the holidays
This year I made a big choice for myself -- I decided to not travel during the holidays. This is not to say I didn't want to spend time with family, I just had to make this decision for myself. With all the changes I went through in the last year (even my accountant had to say Wow! you hit ALL the major life changes in just one year!), I needed to give myself some quiet space and do things that just I wanted to do.
My views have changed drastically about the holidays. Not to say I'm not spiritual, but I am not a religious person. When I look back (and it's okay to look, just don't dwell), I used to so love having a tree, decorating it with friends, wrapping presents, and stuffing stockings. That doesn't feel like me anymore, though, and I'm consciously trying to slow my pace of life down and get in touch with my inner quiet. Each holiday season I get my holiday bustle from filling jewelry orders -- I get true joy from being part of other people's holidays, knowing my jewelry is spreading love, happiness, and artsiness to the recipients. This year when that period was over (on 12/21), I thought about what I wanted to do, which was to get out in nature and not think about my studio and work for a few days... so I hit the slopes for snowboarding lessons. I've gone 2 days this week, and, really, I feel so refreshed (albeit just a *tiny* bit sore).
This year I did still buy a few presents; I made sure it was a meaningful experience for me as well as for the recipients (I hope). To achieve this, I shopped at only local stores and galleries. I didn't take a lot of time, yet I totally enjoyed exploring my new home town by going in and out of shops and finding things that reminded me of my family. I didn't force anything, and I consciously decided to not second-guess myself into thinking I hadn't gotten enough. In the past I've had the tendency to give beyond my financial means, and this year I had no choice but to stay within my budget and I was happy with what I found.
Beyond that, I found a great tip in a Project Simplify newsletter, which was to give of yourself... time, teaching, cooking... any number of things. It's a great way to think of different relationships in your life in terms of what you can give and offer to each person. Considering I just woke up and read about that this morning, I didn't put it into full effect for this holiday season, but I love the idea that in my new fiscally-challenged budget I don't have to feel like I can't give gifts... and these gifts will be much more meaningful since they will probably involve spending time together, the most precious gift of all.
Now, of course, I do miss my family and friends from Chicago. It was interesting to wake up in my little cottage to be all alone. I don't have any presents to open, yet there are so many gifts that I spent time thinking about and feeling gratitude for. I stayed in bed for a while reading "My Stroke of Insight," an engaging book about a brain researcher who experienced a stroke. In her recovery, she is very much aware of the two sides of her brain and just how differently they act, respond, behave. In her re-wiring, she has actually been able to acknowledge some parts of her former personality or thinking traits and consciously choose to not go down those pathways.
That's what I'm trying to do everyday in many different ways (not dwell on the past, no pity parties, no harsh self judgements... all that incessant mind-chatter). Today I reminded myself that I have made choices that I'm happy with. That my friends and family are still in my heart, and that they can feel my happiness as well. And that I'm not lonely, just alone... nothing to wallow about but to celebrate. And once I ran through all of that, I realized I still wanted my traditional Christmas pancake breakfast (and this time I could get away with multigrain pear walnut pancakes with no whining or eye rolls, yum!). And now I'm looking at the clock realizing my alone time has run out... I do have a date for The Great Sushi Feast, a very California Xmas that I am so anticipating. This whole morning thought process has taught me that I need to somehow create an at-home solo vacation of sorts... where work is allowed but no social interactions just for a bit. Maybe that will formulate into a new year's resolution of sorts... planning chunks of alone time so I can stretch, grow, and get comfortable in it.