What's your Word for 2019?

My word for 2019 is Core. I want to be the center of my wheel. Many spokes can extend out, yet I am strong and centered. I know what tools to call on to keep moving forward. To keep rolling. The tools do not make me centered, although they do support alignment. I am aware of balance and harmony.

One of my deepest longings right now is for Flow. Words like Discipline, Routine, and Rhythm tempt me… although none of them sound as alluring as Flow.

The thing with Flow is that it requires trust, practice, and the willingness to release. There are failures, ungraceful moments, and also beauty. It's raw. The movement itself is what's powerful. The willingness to lean in and let go, knowing there's more to come, not worrying about the impact of what is.

When I'm in a state of Flow — living in it fully — my studio life becomes an experiment. I'm not worried about selling or marketing or any end result. I'm working below the mundane. I'm connected to Source, and my mind has stepped aside. The judge and the critics are either stunned into silence, or there's so much happening that they can't keep up. Either way, I pay their words no mind. I hear them, and I continue working.

And then when there's flow in one area of life, it opens to others. Because all I care about is the movement, the experimentation. I'm not hung up on the outcome. The perfection of the end result. There are fewer metrics with Flow. Fewer items on the To Do list because there's a level of clarity about taking the next easiest step. A river does not need to question the path around the rocks — it feels and finds the spaces rather than worrying about the obstacles.

And that brings me back to my word for the year. Why isn't it Flow? Because I feel I've become the judge, the critic, the obstacle. I am somehow damming the flow. I feel its power building. This yearning to write, to photograph, to share stories and create deeper connections below the mundane. I pop in and out of this state, like torrential downpours in a desert.

How can I get back to my center? Build up my core of trust? Nourish my wellspring and release her waters rather than hold on to them like a miserly dragon?I want to reconnect with generosity yet not deceive myself that I'm doing this for others. Being in flow supports my spirit. Quiets those demons.

I'm ready to strengthen my center by calling on courage. I need the bravery and willingness to be seen. Nothing I do matters, yet everything I do matters. To someone. To me. To The Universe. To the creative energy and spark that I call on. What if I was an eternal wellspring?

Clearly I've been trusting that this Source is always available. I'm able to call on it and bring it in. What I haven't been trusting is me as a vessel. As the vessel. As worthy of this energy. As strong and resilient enough to handle what comes — through me as well as the backlash. I must release that fear. So simple to write. So hard to build the trust to do it. But that — That — is the Core I'm wanting to build. The Core that supports walking taller. The Core that shines not with righteousness but with willingness and vulnerability.