2020: The Desire to Thrive
2019 was kinda like a “Year of Yes” (great book by Shonda Rhimes) for me, where I chose to follow my passions and learn what lights me up. It was an amazing year of adventures and exploring, but it also challenged me to learn different ways to build confidence and feel more the way I want to feel. The lessons were many, from I miss having consistent work to I love big challenges. When I looked back over the entire decade, this was the perfect year to close out what felt like a full 10 years of experimenting and trying to figure out what the heck I want my life to look like.
2020 feels very different already. For one, my partner and I sealed our commitment by getting married at the beginning of this new year/new decade. In addition to that, my desire is to build a foundation and a business based in my values and in service. I want more focus, clarity, direction and unity to my life.
How do you “set your sights?” Do you choose a word of the year? Do you call your shot in some other way? Do you set goals? Intentions? Have core desired feelings?
In previous years I've tried jumping immediately to the desired habit with no foundational infrastructure in place. This made me feel trapped — a big no-no when one of my core values of life is Freedom. For example, in the past I've set the goal: blog 1x a week on Monday. I immediately squirmed, resisted, pushed back and didn’t do it.
Is it possible to set goals that generate a sense of freedom?
Of course it is. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Freedom looks different for everyone. Personally I love having a word or theme for the year. For 2020, mine is Stretch.
Along those lines, I'm playing with setting my sights on some big goals that I'm keeping open-ended. (For example: write 60 blog posts this year.) I like a big challenge, as long as it’s not random. I have dreams of writing more books and articles, which I haven’t done in years. For me, the blog goal gets me closer to those dreams. It’ll help me figure out content, what I want to write about, and it will build a portfolio. And, it also helps me with creative expression and consistent creative output. I captured all those feelings and dreams in the goal. It also forces me to figure out who I need to be and what habits I need to develop to reach that goal. All in all, there’s lots of Stretching.
Big, unstructured goals invite all my creative problem-solving out to play. I have freedom to experiment and pivot. There are many ways to get to the end goal.
Some people like to binge-watch Netflix. It turns out that I like to binge-write and binge-work in general. This may ultimately result in blogging once a week, but I'm not sure. I'm remaining curious and seeing how it plays out. This also allows me to not feel like a failure every week I don't meet my goal (a big issue with the 1x/week-style goals). I've got the big goal in mind. I could cram if so desired.
It's like school – you gotta learn how you work/study/learn/do. And the key part of this — like the pop quiz — is to have periodic reviews and evaluations.
This is another intention of mine for this year — spend more time in reflection. Evaluate how things are going in various aspects of life.
Last year I started proactively planning the upcoming week (meals, workouts, general household flow) on Sundays, but it's important to also evaluate what worked and didn’t work over the previous week (or day/month/quarter/year).
This allows the space to tap into your own innate wisdom. This keeps you free and nimble to pivot and reevaluate. My goals have plenty of wiggle room so I can learn, grow and try new things. Do yours? Does that appeal to you?
Here are some questions I use for check-ins (pick 1-3):
What felt supportive & didn't feel supportive?
What's the courageous choice?
Did I/how can I Stretch? [adapt for your word of the year]
Am I feeling how I want to feel? What can I do to feel more [energized, loving,
creative… insert desired feelings]?
How am I living my values?
Are my daily priorities including my life priorities?
Does my life have the mix I want it to have?
What am I avoiding?
Who do I need to be to achieve that goal?
Who am I being that keeps me from achieving that goal?
My initial fear in spending time reflecting is that I would “do less.” It turns out it makes what you do more effective and efficient. It helps you move forward where it matters most, and it surprisingly doesn’t take a ton of time.
Bonus: reflecting also helps motivate me to tackle more of the hard tasks I’ve been avoiding (some for a looong time) because I want to be the person who steps up to those challenges. I want to see myself that way when I look back. Does it do the same for you? Drop me a line in the comments below.
Ultimately I love for these posts to become a conversation. Relationships and other people’s perspectives (YOUR insights) help me to continue growing so I can help others do the same. If anything sparked for you, hit comment and share your thoughts!
