Stop relegating your dreams to party stories
My anger, frustration and crankiness are still with me — right alongside a host of other feelings. They aren't dominating my whole experience of life right now, but they sure are asserting themselves. I'm learning to sit with them, vent at times, but mostly watch and listen to what actually triggers them. This is way beyond being triggered by other drivers or mundane things. It's a deeper uneasiness that I've only been able to identify as a desire to cut through the bullsh*t. Not any B.S., but my own B.S.
The biggest challenge is actually identifying what the B.S. is — ah, and there's another ploy. Another strand in the B.S. web that holds me stagnant and overthinking. Identifying may happen over time, but I'm fighting my mind's urge to tell me this is the highest priority. My anger has been so helpful in these situations, providing gut-level clues on where the B.S. lies and then fueling me into action to at least try other things. Not simply come up with other ideas and new approaches, but rather actually try, experiment, and learn as I go. This is easier said than done as my desk is a testament to the volumes of ideas that flow through me — there are stacks of ideas on papers, jotted notes, notebooks, brilliance waiting to be written.
A dear girlfriend passed on some words of wisdom to me that so resonate and are helping me untangle the gnarled rootball of my frustration: Talking isn't the same as Doing.
I also apply this to note-jotting.
At times it's so fun to wander down the fantastical rabbit hole of ideas and dreams — dwelling here is crazy making for me. I remember how triggered I used to be when my ex-husband would wax poetic about screenplay ideas, art projects, and movie and book concepts for weeks ad nauseum. This would eventually be followed by the classic, "Someone stole my idea!" All the while I'd be asking: What do you want to do with this idea? I never want to shoot down someone else's dreams. What really kills me? To see someone shut down their own dreams on themselves.
My wasband used these ideas as great party stories, and over time they developed their own story arcs — almost always resulting in him being the jilted, albeit brilliant, artist. These moments were entertaining on the surface level, but I couldn't reconcile these repeated situations with the reality of him coming home from work every night, popping a beer and settling into the couch to watch TV.
This near-forgotten story came back to me because, in my own way, I'm repeating this same pattern that very nearly drove me insane when I saw it in someone else. Oddly, having that energy near me tripled my own personal motivation at the time. Maybe I'm a wee bit competitive and like proving that "things" (major things like dreams) are possible to manifest — especially if you're willing to face the reality of the sheer amount of work they take.
Back in those days I worked my buns off as a full-time graphic designer then came home and made jewelry while sitting on the couch and watching movies with my wasband. Those few hours eventually led to a 6-figure jewelry career, book and online teaching series that I still make money from even as I've made several job transitions in search of my next entrepreneurial focus.
At times it serves to focus on the doing. The actual doing gives clarity. You may dream of being a New York Times best-selling author, but when you actually set up a writing schedule and implement it, you may realize that such solo and sedentary work is not your jam. The doing really gives clarity so you make sure your compass direction actually aligns with your values.
It also helps in the dreaming phase to ask yourself what it may take to actually implement a dream. Not so much detail as to crush the dream, but enough to make sure you are willing to fall in love with the major process steps not merely the end goal that's in glittery soft focus.
When planning to run a marathon, check in to see if you're motivated enough to fit a couple hours of running into several work days each week. That type of reality sets you up for the type of success that goes way beyond pipe-dream party stories. If that doesn't seem remotely possible or desirable, it's okay to pick a new dream. I encourage it. It's important to have layers of dreams and at least one you're actively working towards. Running a marathon can still be a dream but maybe look ahead to the slow season at work to begin the training, et cetera.
Before I get too off track with examples, I do want to bring up another thought that almost contradicts what I was writing above. It dovetails off "Talking isn't the same as Doing." It's important to know: Conditions are never perfect. You gotta check your own B.S. meter on that one. Many dreams may not be "ideal" right now, but there's a sliver of possibility. You may be so driven or simply so curious that you're willing to put in some work even if it's a pocket here and there in your day.
What I've found is that working towards a dream, even if it's the tiniest of steps, is way more fulfilling and motivating than simply wishing and talking about it. The old adage still rings true — Actions speak louder than words. Get out there and do something for your dreams. And do share if so inspired by commenting below.
