So *that's* why I'm not in shape...

Here's just one more post about "The Sun" interview with Thomas Moore from 9 years ago... he says "I think anyone pursuing a spiritual life should be careful not to try to force the body into an ideal condition with yoga and fitness, or to force the emotions into an ideal condition with moralism."

Brilliant! This doesn't mean that I don't beat myself up everyday for falling off the exercise wagon, but it does validate my feeling that I needed to slow down a whole lot in my life. I've gotten really edge-y about making commitments and putting dates on my calendar, and anyone who knew me just 2 years ago would be freaked to hear that. I used to always be the first to pull out a calendar and the first to plan. Yet I knew when I decided to move out of the big city that I needed to slow down, even if that meant coming to almost a complete stop.

My first few months out here I did a lot of yoga and got really into Bikram until I threw up in class. I tried to get myself out running and walking. I tried setting up routines. But it wasn't time. Nothing about me was ready. I used to run almost everyday because I needed the stress relief, which, according to Moore, is a bit escapist. He talks a bit about how vacations and time off are really just supporting a hectic, work-driven society, one who needs the releases just so they can keep going at their insane pace. Maybe this explains why I haven't had the desire for a big vacation lately... my home life is feeding my soul. My fairy cottage provides my much needed R&R.

The other point that Moore makes, though, is that we as a society don't do a whole lot of things to get in tune with our physical selves anymore. Physicality has been somewhat designed out of our lifestyles, which are often built around office chairs and desks nowadays. I do have a big ole garden right out my door, yet I haven't quite connected with that as a daily ritual. Lots of things are coming and sorting themselves out within me, though. It does bum me out that my arms aren't as toned as they once were, that singing in the car leaves me a little out of breath, and that my clothes are getting a bit snug. My soul is feeling pretty happy but it is missing something, which I don't think is running. Running was always meditative for me, but I'm feeling more the mood to dance. I also want to try out some other yoga classes and possibly join a gym for the weight machines.

Whatever I do, I want it to feel seamless in my life. Really I want to get outdoors more, so I'm looking into hiking groups and such. Fitness to me is more of a confidence builder, which I could use a little more of these days. Physical exertion also empties my mind, which in and of itself feeds the soul. I'm not looking for perfection, just health and comfort in my body. Joining a gym isn't always one of my favorite things, so I'm just going to do a trial run, but it might allow me to meet more people and help me in other ways so I'm willing to consider it.