Looking back and looking forward
Happy New Year!
I love those points in time that conjure a sense of reflection of what was mingled with the hopes and dreams of future possibilities. This special feeling arises at my birthday, when I start a new class, anytime something big and life changing happens (from getting engaged to a loved one dying), the change of seasons, and of course when the calendar changes from one year to the next.
For me a new year brings the possibility to turn over a new leaf. To start living more in alignment with my ideals. This year I'm also consistently (compassionately) inviting myself to be in sync with the season. After all the holiday revelry, craziness and busy-ness, it can be hard to come to a screeching halt. It can be downright jarring. Often our bodies help us with the process by getting sick (raises hand). Anything to remind us that it's winter. The time of hibernation. The time for energy storage, not expenditure. That's a tricky dance if you have fears about being lazy like I do.
How to sync this seasonal winter reality with the mainstream? It's not always possible. I just hold my own and do my best, encouraging others to do the same. I don't set new year's resolutions per se (except for the one about not putting myself or any other being down, even — especially — as a joke), but I do choose a word for the year and let the goals unfold over time, as the energy feels right. This year my word is Core. What point is it to choose a word if I'm not going to do anything with it right now? Intention, my friend. So many magickal things have already started arising, including working on core values, core beliefs, and preparing for The Desire Map class work of uncovering core desired feelings (see below). I've also been fleshing out some core aspects of my website (still far from where I want it to be, but progress).
Winter is also the season for dreaming. I may build an altar for this word, or a vision board or candle. I've done some writing around it already. I may do a brain dump if my mind keeps churning on it. I dream of having energy for all the aspects of this word. Right now I'm seeing what comes to me rather than chasing after it. I'm reminding myself of all the reasons I want to gather energy for months ahead.
Let's pause that train of thought. Because it is a train. Energy starts amping up. Suddenly I have things I can do (oh so tempting). This is literally a pause I did a week or so ago. In this mindful pause, I looked at my word for 2018 (Thrive) and pondered how that played out. Contemplated what thriving ended up meaning to me. I've also taken time to list some accomplishments (like conducting my first wedding ceremony, something that was an opportunity rather than a goal) and the overall highlight reel (getting engaged! 3 international trips!). I've looked at struggles too (job changes, loved ones having surgery, several friends losing their husbands).
I used to not be a huge "looking back" kind of person, but the brief time I spent doing it surprisingly boosted my sense of self. Mostly because I looked less at the specific items and more at what they added to my life. I could see how I had strength and resiliency despite challenges; compassion and love flowed through me; adventure, courage, spaciousness and freedom became theme songs. New connections formed, and established ones strengthened. Inspiration and curiosity ran high. The list goes on.
This process helped me peel back the layers to see what lay below the dramas and the mundane. It helped me deepen in and feel more connection to spirit, my deepest wellspring of self, rather than having resentment, feeling like a victim or even simply checking off fun things for the heck of it. It helped me tune in to the gifts of it all, and ultimately that has helped me align with this winter season more than anything. Winter is such an energetic of warmth, coziness, gratitude, nesting, pulling close, deep heart connection.
I did this through the lens of curiosity and to release fear. I wasn't trying to be nostalgic and dwell there, but rather see how it all intertwined. And to check in on me and my sense of self and values. Could I release judgement and merely see what was there? I wanted it to be positive, but didn't have any expectations. Let me know if you give looking back over 2018 a try and if it helps you to connect with your deeper self and any lessons therein.
