Don’t wear a thong to your colonic
This piece originally appeared on the blog for HAALo, an herb shop in Nevada City, California now under new ownership as Remedy Garden. I wrote this in 2014. I’ve learned a lot in re-reading this experience. Enjoy!
One of my life mottos is: I’ll try anything twice. Usually this applies to activities like skydiving, BurningMan, rock climbing.
My personal issue is: leading up to the first time doing something outside my comfort realm, I spend a lot of time on preparation and anxiety — it’s that whole unknown thing. Once understanding is reached, I can relax and actually experience the thing — and from there decide if it’s for me or not.
Little did I know that this motto would also apply to colonics.
Things that are good to know: I volunteered to try colon hydrotherapy (used interchangeably with the word "colonic" in this article). I’ve had some digestive issues that I’ve been addressing at the intake valve — dietary adjustments, probiotics, etc. — but no one had suggested going in through the out door.
So, I committed to this as another adventure.
That, my friends, is maybe not the best way to approach anything with the word therapy in it, because therapy means work. I tried to keep it light and casual in my mind, but my deeper psyche really freaked out.
Preparation (or lack thereof)
Leading up to a colonic, it’s best to eat a light vegetarian diet (although broths and gelatin for protein are fine) and avoid any obvious gas-causing foods. Avoid any known irritants and don’t eat bread or other processed foods. Ideally everything should be cooked to aid in maximum digestion. Also don’t drink coffee that day, or preferably, no caffeine at all.
What am I going to eat?
In my fridge I had cabbage, broccoli and beef, and cupboards full of legumes and grains. And I had bread — something I buy once or twice a year. My mind was baffled. With no time to go to the store and prepare special food, I started a beef stock and limped along on miso soup, gelatin and mashed sweet potato.
Anxiety
The night before my colonic, I had some un-strained broth that was so fatty, it turned my stomach. I tossed and turned and literally, had a bowl by my side all night in case I got sick. I gave up trying to sleep and read to distract myself.
I showed up for my first colonic on 3 hours of sleep. I was beyond frazzled, my stomach was in knots, and right before leaving the house, my body had thrown everything out the exit hatch.
Meet Darlene
Under these circumstances, which I shared, I met Darlene Weiss, the certified colon hydrotherapist at Living Waters in Grass Valley, California. Like any type of therapist, she has seen it all. She was warm, welcoming, compassionate and unphased.
We talked for a few minutes, but we were both eager to start to ease the anxiety that accompanied me.
Living Waters
Living Waters feels part spa, part doctor’s office. It’s just me and Darlene, as is usually the case.
First I stepped into the bathroom, shedding from the waist down. There was an actual lovely plush towel that I wrapped around, sarong style, to meet the colonic table.
Darlene helped me get positioned on the table, which was great because it wasn't exactly intuitive. I laid on my back with my legs slightly elevated. It was surprisingly comfy and supportive — not exposed feeling like the OBGyn’s office. Everything was discrete, and I got to remain covered.
I thought my job was done. Isn’t that the way with therapy? We think we’ve done all the work just by showing up, and then the therapist asks you to put a stick up your butt.
There’s a foreign object in my butt
You knew that was coming. I won’t be graphic about it, for your sake not mine, but the key thing with colon hydrotherapy is that the water has to get in there. To the colon. And the intestines. Hence, the wand.
Darlene won’t put it in for you, you have to do it — and I suggest you listen to her coaching. She knows what she’s talking about.
For someone who really didn’t want a wand up her butt, I sure did spend the next 40 minutes obsessed that I was going to push it out. We all think this, and it’s not going to happen.
The wand is specially designed just for this use, and it does its job well. I’m glad I wasn’t part of those design trials. If you’re like me, you can have a conversation with Darlene about how our bodies have two anal sphincters that are making this possible — did I mention I get chatty when I’m nervous?
The colonic begins
At this point (reclining on specialized table, wand in butt, just to remind you) I was just working on relaxing as new sensation after new sensation began. Darlene connected the water, which was near body temperature or slightly warmer. Water is not being sprayed into my colon; it’s more like gravity fed, slowly seeping in.
I had flashbacks to a horrible childhood movie I saw with an abusive enema scene (thanks, Mom!) and confessed to Darlene that I had no idea what was expected of me. What was I supposed to do?
I was hoping she would say, “Just lie back and relax!” But nooo…. What she actually said was, “This is where you start pushing.”
What? What do you mean?
Yoga for your colon
Darlene explained that I needed to push the water out. It doesn’t just come out on its own. I didn’t really get it until she made it perfectly clear: it’s like going to the bathroom. Push like you are having a bowel movement.
Now I was blushing and flustered with a colon hydrotherapist. And, my exit hatch clamped down like a nuclear reactor. I can talk the talk, but I can’t always take it. She only stayed in the room until she was sure I knew what to do, and then she gave me space to work things out on my own (there was a bell just in case).
… or Lamaze for your colon
So here’s what was involved at this point: specialized table, wand up butt that I was convinced was coming out, warm water slightly expanding my belly that’s weighed down by a heavy hot water bottle, deep belly Buddha breaths (“there are no lungs here”), flashes of creepy movie scenes and childhood memories, pushing with exhales, and a sensation of water creeping under my back (it wasn't happening; it was actually the air valve and fiberglass sensation).
I was supposed to relax, but all I could imagine was feeling like a mother giving birth for the first time. I’ve never had children, and I’m sure this imagery says something about my colon.
Relax and Establish a rhythm
I searched my brain and decided to focus on David Sedaris for a while. I’m sure he would have appreciated that. I just can’t get his story about helping his sister Tiffany open a jam jar over the telephone out of my head. This is good. I relaxed a bit.
Darlene checked in every few minutes to make sure I was doing okay. I got a little rhythm going, and she could tell I was comfortable with what I was supposed to be doing. It felt like work, and I got tired. “It’s like yoga for your colon,” she explained. Which is true; this was a workout.
She told me I could change up my rhythm and try to relax a little more. "Keep breathing deeply, but don’t push the water out so quickly. Let it travel further." I asked if I should hold it?
Let it go
We’d been chatting a bit as she popped in, and she honed right in on my issues, “I don’t want you holding anything. Colon hydrotherapy is all about releasing and letting go. Whatever comes up for you — whether it’s emotions, thoughts, memories, or something in your colon — exhale and let it all go down the drain with the water.”
Have I mentioned that you could watch the exodus? I’m the girl who begged and pleaded the foot surgeon — twice! — to let me watch my surgeries. The anesthesiologist nixed the idea, afraid a simple surgery could turn disastrous if I freaked out. Still, I wasn’t sure I really wanted to see what was going on during colon hydrotherapy, but there’s not a whole lot else to look at.
The clear tube was under the table, and there was a mirror on the wall so you could see what was happening.
Watching the tube
My first 10 minutes or so was just clear water with bubbles, not abnormal considering my body’s nervous reaction before arriving.
As I slowed down my rhythm, letting the water travel, different colors and things washed down the tube. I was not excited when Darlene asked at one point, “Are those lentils?” I was sheepish, but watching the tube can give you some information. Apparently I need to chew more.
Eventually, watching the tube helped with my mantra of releasing and letting go.
One on one therapy
At one point Darlene paused the flow of water so I could fully catch my breath. I’d been having waves of tingly sensations that felt weird, but she assured me they were a normal sign of detox.
About 30 minutes into my session, once I’d seen some action in the tube, she asked if she could work on my belly.
I agreed because I wanted the full experience, although my body wanted to immediately clench up. So we worked together. She massaged and pushed on different sections of my belly — focusing on any areas where I’d had sensations. I chattered away to distract myself.
She reminded me to breathe deeply from my diaphragm, which is challenging when someone is pushing on it.
Sometimes we pushed together. The whole process felt like Lamaze. And was effective.
She left me alone for a final few minutes to move anything she loosened. She then turned the machine off, and I pushed out all the water I could. I opted for the probiotic infusion since colon hydrotherapy can leave behind a squeaky clean system.
The end (of session 1, that is)
The end of a colon hydrotherapy session is so fun — not just because it’s over. First off, you get to remove the wand from your butt. I never got used to it being there. The cool part is, I didn’t have to touch it. All I did was scooch back on the table, and it fell out all on its own! Try it! This works for everybody.
I was so excited about the wand trick, yammering away when I realized: I now had a colon full of probiotic fluids and the toilet was 10 feet over there! Could I sarong my towel, clench walk, close the door and be successful? Let’s just say I’m a champ, and in colon years I’m still young — Darlene wasn’t as worried as I was.
Is 1 session enough?
Once I was reassembled, Darlene told me to drink lots of fluids including electrolytes and to continue to eat lightly and simply. She wanted to book another session for me in 2 days, so I signed up.
Colon hydrotherapy is often done as a series. Some people might do 6 sessions in 10 days. Someone else might do a couple a month or on an “as needed” basis. This means knowing your body and/or working with a practitioner.
What’s right for you
Darlene can help you figure out what’s right for you, or if you’re working with a doctor or other practitioner she would rather defer to them or discuss approaches with them.
If you have any health condition — whether a digestive disorder, cancer, or any other situation where you are under a practitioner’s care — Darlene needs and wants to talk with them or have a note.
Like myself, you can undergo colon hydrotherapy on your own if you are in good health or pursuing your own alternative healthcare options.
The aftermath
At this point, I’ve got to be honest with you — I didn’t feel so great after my session. My health is important to me, so I set aside other expectations for my day and just rested — reading and making some more cooked vegetables so I could be better prepared for the following work day. I drank water, coconut water and herbal tea throughout the day and got way more than 3 hours of sleep.
The next day I awoke with a headache. I went about my work and challenged myself to drink as much water as possible (1-1/2 gallons!) — still the headache held on. This is unusual for me, but I’ve done cleanses before and this felt like a detox headache: whether caffeine or dehydration or something else.
My workday was inflexible that day, so I didn’t call Darlene even though she told me to contact her with any issues. I went to bed early that night with the headache lingering and once again woke with it in the morning.
Number 2, so to speak
When I come in for appointment number 2, Darlene said my reaction was not unusual. Once again, everyone is different. Some people are jazzed and energized. Others are sluggish or experience any number of detox symptoms.
In an ideal situation, I would’ve gotten another colonic the day after the first one to help alleviate these symptoms. She wanted to get started right away since I was now familiar with the equipment and procedures — she was sure I would feel immediate relief with this session.
She was right. First of all, she asked me to work deeper if I could, letting the water travel as far as possible. When working on my stomach in the first session, she had found a few spots that felt firm or different. About 10 minutes into session 2, she asked if she could work on my belly again.
She dug deep this time — no pain, but there was deep elbow work going on just like in massage therapy.
My body responded well to this. After a few minutes she left me alone, only popping in a couple of times. I was in more of a mellow healing place, showing up to do the work.
Relief
After the session, I did feel relief! The tiniest glimmer of headache lingered in the background, more a memory. I felt lighter and brighter, and dare I say it (thinking of comedian Ron White), my skirt even fit better.
Dehydration: a big culprit
We talked about constipation, irritable bowel syndrome, and digestion in general — she gave me lots of reading material. Darlene also said that the main reason she sees people is due to dehydration — many issues are symptoms coming from ongoing dehydration, which stems from not drinking enough water and also consuming caffeine, and alcohol which have a depleting effect (i.e., more water needs to be consumed to counter the effects, or caffeine and alcohol should be avoided).
A good way to estimate water consumption is to take your weight in pounds and divide it in half. This number represents the number of ounces of water to consume each day for your body.
150 pounds ÷ 2 = 75 ounces
75 ounces is almost 10 cups of water; and more is needed if any caffeine or alcohol is consumed.
Darlene’s tenets of healthy living
In addition to water consumption, Darlene shared her tenets for healthy digestion (a foundation for healthy living), which I formulated to be: “When she’s healthy, SHE BOPS” which correlates to these daily practices expanded from the HOPE method:
Sweat, High fiber, Enzymes, Breath, Omegas, Probiotics, Sleep
Messages from the depths
I signed up for a third session. Darlene wanted to wait a few days this time to see how my body adjusted (and once again to contact her as needed).
I became very aware of certain foods leading up to this next session. Maybe I wasn’t chewing enough or maybe they were too hard on my system. I supplemented my diet with digestive enzymes and probiotics, but became naturally inclined to eating miso, broth and cooked veggies. I tried a little meat and wished I hadn’t — I could feel how hard my body had to work.
Fish was fine; most veggies were fine. Rice felt good but I got congested afterwards.
For me, light was beginning to dawn — colon hydrotherapy could be another way of figuring out some food mysteries (along with other testing, like what Victoria LaFont and Anna Werderitsch offer through HAALo).
Despite eating smaller portions and supplementing with fiber, fluids and healthy oils, my body still turned into a packrat.
Another tool for the toolbox
Session 3 was a relief, but no problems were solved. But now I’m identifying some issues — some emotional, some dietary, some functional.
Colon hydrotherapy is now officially a tool in my toolbox. I’m contacting Darlene this week about more sessions so we can discuss different things to try to get my body working normally.
I’m also sharing this information with other practitioners I’m working with at HAALo — all these bits of info form pieces of the puzzle that lead to a healthy whole.
A First-timer’s Tips to a Successful Colon Hydrotherapy Session
Before
Prepare for a colonic as you would for a cleanse or detox. Mentally prepare and remove processed foods and known toxins (caffeine, sugar, alcohol are the big 3). Stock your fridge, prepare simple vegetarian foods, and simplify your diet for several days leading up to your first appointment. Hydrate as much as possible.
Don’t eat anything 3 hours before your appointment. Arrive hydrated by consuming water and herbal teas before hand. No caffeine before your appointment.
Don’t take any purgatives or laxatives before your session or between sessions. Talk with Darlene or another practitioner about this. Colon hydrotherapy is about hitting the reset button and trying to get the body functioning naturally on its own.
Dress comfortably. Wear tops and bottoms.
Don’t wear a thong. You can be empowered another day. Think comfort and security for the drive home.
If you’re not the first appointment of the day, arrive early to try the Chi Machine or ask Darlene to allow time for that as well.
During
Ignore the thing in your butt. Don’t worry about it. It will stay there.
Trust the table. This is exactly what it’s designed for, and it works well. There’s no odor or mess.
Relax and take deep Buddha breaths with the diaphragm (“there are no lungs”).
Unless your body temp runs very warm, accept the warm blanket. It feels nice and wards off chills that arise periodically as the water temperature fluctuates slightly.
Bring up any questions or concerns with Darlene. She is highly trained and came to this therapy because it worked so well for her.
Ask to take a break if you need it.
Ambient music and essential oils are available to help with relaxation on other levels.
Ignore any noises your body makes (or, better yet, laugh). Darlene does this professionally, so she views nether region noises as applause. (We gotta get her out more!)
Get the probiotic infusion (unless your practitioner says otherwise).
After
Drink plenty of electrolytes (coconut water is a good natural supply) and continue to hydrate.
Support yourself with other detox activities like a sauna, steam, hot tub or bath, and cardio movement that encourages sweating.
Build in time for rest the day of your appointment and schedule your appointment accordingly. Don’t book your first appointment expecting to then go to the grocery store or return to work. This will be possible for future appointments, but play it safe for your first time. Darlene strives to make appointment times that work for you possible.
Have probiotics on hand if you don’t regularly take them. Make sure there are strains that make both the small and large intestines happy. Darlene can talk about this more with you and recommend how much to take.
Living Waters Colon Hydrotherapy: A Pathway to Healing
Darlene carries several products at Living Waters. She does not push them and is not a huge fan of supplements, but she does make them available. She carries digestive enzymes and other digestive products that you can ask about. She also carries the Step and Go, a product to help position the anal canal for proper alignment to ease elimination.
Darlene has a helpful website for Living Waters Colon Hydrotherapy where it’s possible to purchase sessions via credit card (payment in office is by cash or check only). There are packages available for special pricing, and the sessions can be shared between household members. There’s also a detailed FAQ section.
Contact Darlene directly with any questions, and if you do decide to book your first colonic, feel free to use my name (Kathy Frey) as a referral so I can get credit for future sessions… I think my therapy is a long-term commitment.
Kathy Frey is a renowned wire jewelry artist, author, and award-winning designer. Her interest in alternative healing began in her early 20s after a lifetime of painful ear infections and no cure in sight other than antibiotics once they set in (she hasn’t had an ear infection in more than 15 years now). She works part-time as HAALo’s Communications Designer. Her next adventure involves traveling to Asia, which she hopes qualifies for the “I’ll do anything twice” rule.
