Do you deserve what you pay yourself?
As an artist and business owner, I rely on myself for my income. Sometimes that's a tough thing to wrap my head around. I know that at any given point I might drop everything to go pick up my CSA box of veggies, the compost might need tending, a long-lost friend might call, or I might not hit the snooze button and instead opt for sleeping in (really late). All of these things were unacceptable behavior when I worked at other companies, and I didn't succumb to them. So many times when I'm writing myself a check from my business account I feel twinges of guilt. When I had employees, I even fell into the trap of paying them more than I paid myself.
A few weeks back I read the "Taking Care of Business" column in the Nevada City Advocate. Ruth Schwartz wrote about "Do business owners deserve their salary?" and she really shed some light on the situation which has helped me to change my mindset. Here's my favorite paragraph that enlightened me:
"Realize it is your job to take care of the big picture. Others in your company may do $15-per-hour or $50-per-hour jobs. Your job is the $500-per-hour job. Don't ignore the importance of being the brains of the organization. These days it is easy to justify running your company without a brain because of the cost. The cost of not attending to the big picture is much higher."
That's when I realized that she's right... in past jobs, my brain would pretty much shut off when I left the office. Now, my brain never shuts off. I meditate and find ways to quiet my brain, yet I know most of the time I'm processing something... new designs, what shows to do, whether to even do shows, how to photograph new work for etsy, how to promote myself, should I still sell on consignment, should I boost up wholesale or retail,... the list goes on and never stops. And I do work really hard at odd hours. That's become my new "fault"... I'm not keeping a set schedule. My life feels like more of a continuum, which means I might get the urge to work late at night, especially if it was a beautiful day heavy on the gardening rather than the jewelry. I know in my heart of hearts that I'm not being "lazy," and that I do deserve a salary (and, oh!, wouldn't it be wonderful if someday it was a $500-per-hour or even a $50-per-hour job!!). Slowly I'm coming to appreciate my role. Someday I hope to again have employees to whom I can delegate tasks, and when that day comes I'll be ready to accept that sometimes I'll be getting paid to "just sit" at my desk and figure out what the next move is.